Playing Catch-Up

Who said Christmas was the busiest time of year? I don't know about you, but April has been madness around here. However, I like to have all my books reviewed -- after all, I did take the time of reading them, and some of them were provided me for free. There will be no pretty images today, but here are some snippets on the last three books I read.

A Million Little Snowflakes by Logan Byrne

Guys, this one was not for me. And I had high hopes for it (don't we always). This is the story of a high school student who is taken to a psychiatric ward by his father after he states that he wants to kill himself. And of course, in the psychiatric ward, he meets someone and falls in love. The concept of this was so intriguing to me, especially as I've worked in a mental health facility and seen people fall for each other (at times with disastrous consequences). However, this book didn't do it for me. I was frustrated from the beginning with the writing style, which tended to give a play-by-play of every thought in the main character, Oliver's, head, as well as making bizarre metaphors and comparisons. But the end sealed the deal for me. I'm sure there was something artistic about its suddenness and (abrupt) existentialism. But I didn't get it.

1 star

Warnings: Language, sensuality (off the page), mature themes

Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella

This book was a little outside my normal reading faire, but it was recommended by a patient's mother so I felt like I should read it, and I ended up being pretty entertained by it. Lexi is leading a frazzled life much like the rest of us -- until she wakes up one day and finds that her life is three years forward from her last memory and everything has changed, from her teeth and body shape to her relationship status (married!) and financial status (millionaire!). Lexi feels pretty good about the way everything has turned out, but can't figure out how she went from the "snaggletooth" under appreciated flooring sales associate to the queen of the company. As she finds out, she realizes she has lost less of herself than she thought.

I liked this one. Like I said, it was pretty entertaining and there were a few "awww" moments. Sometimes it's nice to read something a bit fluffy and relaxing.

3 stars

Warnings: Some sensuality (mostly off page, no anatomy), profanity

Love Times Three: Our True Story of a Polygamous Marriage by the Dargers

I had to read this when I heard of it. I mean, seriously, who hasn't wondered how a situation like that actually works out without the wives killing each other (or their husband)? And as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (which doesn't practice polygamy, in case you are wondering) I was curious about this group of people that went in a different direction and what they believe. So when I saw the book on sale, I snagged it.

And I was amazed at how much I enjoyed it! I was expecting to be pretty disturbed by all of it. There were plenty of things that I found myself thinking, "I'm so glad that I don't share my husband with another woman," but there were also plenty of insights that the Dargers had into love, marriage, and family that were pretty profound. At the core of their polygamous marriage is putting others first and holding back selfishness, which I think would be particularly trying in a situation with multiple women sharing one man and in the Dargers' case, one home as well. I can see how that would bring personal growth. And while I'm certainly not planning on adding another woman to our home, I feel like I learned something about putting the other people in my (considerably smaller) family before myself from the Dargers.

Not to mention the fact that their situation is a little bizarre and it was pretty interesting to learn about it. So, while I obviously was interested in the book before I read it, it surpassed my expectations. I certainly don't want to emulate their lifestyle, but it was interesting to learn about it.

4 stars

Warnings: Some references to bedroom arrangements but nothing detailed

YA Friday: Life is But a Dream by Brian James

Title: Life is But a Dream
Author: Brian James
Genre: YA, contemporary fiction
Publisher: Feiwel and Friends, 2012
Source: NetGalley
Read for: Review, neuroscience list

Sabrina has always fascinated her friends and family with her wild imagination and vivid drawings. However, as she grows older, her friends become more interested in boys and the internet, and her parents seem to quietly disapprove of the things they used to find beautiful. Confused and frustrated, events build up inside Sabrina to an outburst and she finds herself in a hospital, where the nurses give her pills that dull her senses and she is surrounded by people that seem lost. Until she meets Alec, the first person who seems to understand her, who wants to encourage and treasure the visions she sees. However, will their dreams prove to be destructive?

Before I read this book, I only saw a few reviews for it, and they were lukewarm to negative. I began it with some trepidation -- I know that opinions vary, but in general people seem to feel the same way about most books, and I figured it would probably be mediocre for me as well. However, I was totally, completely wrong. Life is But a Dream blew me away with its beautiful detail and gutting emotion. It isn't an easy book to read, but Life is But a Dream is a powerful journey and one that brings a new empathy for individuals suffering from mental illnesses.

First, look at that cover. Do you see how the sky and flowers are beautiful, but the girl on the cover is forlorn and lying on stark ground? That is Sabrina's life at the hospital. The longer she spends there, the more medications she is given, the further the dreams that colored her life and the more isolated she feels. That is, until Alec comes to the hospital. Alec and Sabrina have an instant attraction to each other, and Sabrina loves that for the first time in months, she has a ready listener for her dreams and imaginings. Alec doesn't tell her to grow out of it, that she is crazy and needs to change. He tells her the rest of them are crazy and that she is the only person to see life clearly. He is completely transfixed by her view of the world, which I found completely endearing. So often, in adolescence especially, I think people shy away from what is different. Mental illness is completely stigmatizing in many cases. The fact that Alec saw past the fact that Sabrina was a patient in an institution and found beauty in her was moving. (I know that he is also in the mental institution -- his case is a little different. Revealing why would be a huge spoiler, however, so you're just going to have to read Life is But a Dream to find out).

As Sabrina and Alec grow closer and closer, they want to escape, and this is where the tension really enters into the story. We read Life is But a Dream through Sabrina's perspective. She tells us that her visions are beautiful, that they make her who she is, that her soul is being stolen without them. However, as the story progresses and Sabrina resists treatment, she begins to completely unravel, and the reader begins to wonder if everything the beautiful visions she is desperate not to lose are as benign as Sabrina believes them to be. There are no clear answers -- by taking the visions away, part of Sabrina's life is lost, but by letting them reign over her, she loses all control. I thought the issue of treating mental illness and whether it is disease or just difference was handled exceptionally well. I was also amazed at Brian James' ability to delve into Sabrina's mind so deftly. Often, I think we see schizophrenia as the homeless person muttering on the street or someone running down the street convinced that the government is after them. Sabrina's manifestation was very unique but absolutely convincing, and it is not until late in the story that the full story of her hospitalization is unveiled.

At times, the emotion and the uncertainty in Life is But a Dream is uncomfortable. I think mental illness is inherently a difficult subject -- we all expect our bodies to fail us at some point, but hope to be able to hang onto our minds, because that is who we are, more than the frames that carry us. However, Life is But a Dream offers a unique and powerful insight into the mind of someone with schizophrenia, and carries with it a very touching love story as well. Life is But a Dream will appeal to those interested in psychology and reading books about the "heavy issues" in YA literature.

4.5 stars

Warnings: Language, some descriptions of heavy making out

Spark by John J. Ratey

Title: Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain
Author: John J. Ratey, M.D. with Eric Hagerman
Genre: Nonfiction, medical, neuroscience
Publisher: Little, Brown, & Company, 2008
Source: Library
Read for: the husband, who is obsessed with it.

Dr. John J. Ratey explores the effects of exercise on various brain functions, from natural processes like learning and aging to disturbances in brain chemistry such as ADHD, clinical depression, and anxiety disorder. He intersperses anecdotal stories from his own practice with research studies to support them.

I've joked with my husband that we really just need to buy this book, because we have checked it out of the library three times and renewed each time. (It took him two times to read it because he was in school, and then he checked it out again to use a quote for a paper). By the third time we had it out, I decided I should just go ahead and read it. And it was absolutely fascinating, despite the fact that I didn't work out at all that week, therefore plunging me into feelings of guilt.

Ratey's hypothesis is that exercise alters basic brain chemistry, enhancing mental and emotional performance. He discusses the application of this theory in several contexts, starting with an anecdote about a school that utilizes aerobic exercise shortly before difficult classes for kids who need remedial intervention. This school has received incredibly high rankings on international standardized tests, and Ratey believes it is because aerobic exercise increases brain concentrations of BDNF -- a growth factor present in learning and other important brain processes associated with memory. He follows this anecdote with several examples of the positive effects on running and other aerobic exercise in disease processes like ADHD and addiction. I found it interesting that he had examples of people to whom he had made recommendations and seen results as well as more scientific, rigidly controlled studies to back up his results.

While any neuroscience book is susceptible to being bogged down with jargon, Ratey and his co-writer Hagerman keep the writing fluid and comprehensible on layman's terms (I assume. I thought it was pretty clear-cut, and while my husband does have a biology background, he hasn't done much neuroscience beyond basic physiology). He keeps his findings clear and gives his own recommendations for dealing with mental crises, suggesting a target heart rate and amount of time to exercise.

I think we are all aware that exercise is important for a healthy body; this book illustrates the importance of exercise to a healthy mind as well. Anyone with an interest in exercise and/or neuroscience, or especially someone needing motivation to put on their workout clothes and go, will find a great resource in Spark.

4 stars

Warnings: May make you feel guilty for sitting on your butt and eating ice cream.

Darkness Visible by William Styron

Title: Darkness Visible

Author: William Styron

Genre: Nonfiction, memoir

Publisher: Open Road, 2010

Source: NetGalley

Sorry about the ugly Amazon image.

For some reason I was having difficulties getting a good image for this book cover. And also, I am lazy.

EDIT**: The lovely people at Open Road sent me their cover. It is more aesthetically pleasing, yes?

Anyway, Darkness Visible is a glimpse into acclaimed author William Styron's (Sophie's Choice; Confessions of Nat Turner) dark struggle with clinical depression. A slim volume of only 84 pages, the book is nevertheless packed with vivid imagery and insight into the depressed mind.

Styron begins his chronicle of his experience with the disease in Paris, where he is receiving a literary prize, the Prix Mondial Cino del Duca. Despite the great honor and large monetary prize, all Styron can think of is his desire to get home and see a psychiatrist. His oppressing feelings lead him to commit

some social faux pas and misplace his (hefty) prize check. This incident opens the door for Styron's meditations on his mental illness, including a strong attempt to convey what a depressed person feels, his speculations on the causes for himself personally, thoughts on suicide, and how loved ones can help.

The most impressive parts of the book were, for me, the vivid descriptions of Styron's moods and feelings. In general, we deal with the outside of a depressed person, unless we ourselves are depressed. We deal with the irritability, the lack of desire to participate in daily life, the melancholy. I think at times this leads to impatience on the part of those who are not depressed. Styron's conveyance of his painful emotions inspired strong sympathy and a better understanding of the state of mind of a depressed person. Here are just a few of his poignant images: "a sense that my thought processes were being engulfed by a toxic and unnameable tide that obliterated any enjoyable response to the living world;" "a sensation close to, but indescribably different from, actual pain;" "this leaden and poisonous mood the color of verdigris;" a veritable howling tempest in the brain;" "a sto

rm of murk;" "one's bed of nails, attached [...] wherever one goes." These dark images drove the Styron's emotions into my mind. The most powerful excerpt, to me, was this -

I did notice that my surroundings took on a different tone at certain times: the shadows of nightfall seemed more somber, my mornings were less buoyant, walks in the woods became less zestful, and there was a moment during my working hours in the late afternoon when a kind of panic and anxiety overtook me, just for a few minutes, accompanied by a visceral queasiness - such a seizure was at least slightly alarming, after all.

I think these images are powerful and probably applicable to many who suffer from depression. One aspect that probably is not the same for other clinical depression sufferers are some of Styron's hypothesized causes for his depression, including a decreased tolerance for alcohol, which he describe

s as "a soothing, often sublime agent, which had contributed greatly to my writing." Styron also cites his father's own depression and the loss of his mother at a young age as potential reasons for his own experience. While these are all certainly potential causes, one must bear in mind that Styron does not use evidence to support these hypotheses and they cannot therefore be viewed as scientific. I don't think this is Styron's intent; however, I could picture readers applying his statements to themselves, which may not be valid.

Styron also presents some interesting ideas on suicide, giving a long list of authors and artists who committed suicide due to depression. The idea of creative and artistic people being susceptible has always been of particular interest to me so I found this section intriguing, although slightly disheartening, because no one wants to think that genius predisposes to

ward suicide.

Despite the dark subject matter of the book, Styron ends it with a message of hope, comparing the progress of depression to Dante's journey in The Divine Comedy - while he descended through a labyrinth of despair, hell itself, he emerged and "beheld the stars." Styron writes that the best thing one can do for a depressed loved one is to remind them that the disease will run its course - it will eventually come to an end.

One need not sound the false or inspirational note to stress the truth that depression is not the soul's annihilation; men and women who have recovered from the disease - and they are countless - bear witness to what is probably its only saving grace: it is conquerable.

Darkness Visible is a powerful and aesthetic survey of depression in one man's life. Its slim size makes it an a

ccessible and quick read, but its message reverberates after the story is finished. I actually put off writing this review for several days because I wanted to think about the story and let it set in for a while before I wrote a review. Whether or not you yourself are a victim of depression's iron grip, this brief memoir paints a compassionate portrait and inspires thought.

4 stars

Neuroscience Notes: This book is mainly a psychological description of depression rather than a scientific description. However, Styron does an excellent job of describing artistically the symptoms of depression and gives a compassionate window into the emotions of a depressed person. He also spends a bit of time describing the dichotomy between pharmacology and psychotherapy.

The Neuroscience List

Photo Credit

Over the last few weeks, I have gotten an idea and I finally decided to act on it. As many of you know, I am a neuroscience student in my last semester of my undergraduate. While I love learning about the brain (and there is so very much to learn!) I have mostly only read textbooks, rarely venturing out into the realm of literature. A few months ago, Eva at A Striped Armchair wrote about a fantastic list that she compiled in response to a lady asking her for book ideas for people who work in a non-profit neurological support organization. Eva found books pertaining to stroke, epilepsy, autism, Parkinson's Disease, headache/migraine, dementia, Alzheimer's, multiple sclerosis, etc., both listing books she had read and others she had heard about.

I was so excited to find this list, I scribbled down the titles that looked interesting to me and pasted them to my Challenges page. I didn't think I'd get through them all, but I wanted to have them there in case I ever needed ideas. I more or less forgot about the books for a couple of weeks, until recently. Because of my interest in neuroscience, I want to make my own neuroscience list/review database. I'm leery of recommending books that I haven't yet read, and when I wrote down Eva's list I didn't organize it (if you visit her page, you will find descriptions of all the books, as well as divisions into types of neurological disorder and whether the book is fiction or nonfiction, etc.) I also wanted to include books about general neuroscience as well as neurological disorders.

So here's my plan. If you look up at my pages, there is a new "Neuroscience List" tab. As I read books about neuroscience, or books that pertain to the brain, I will add them under one of three headings: Fiction, Nonfiction, or Memoir. (Yes, I know memoir is a type of nonfiction - however, to me memoir has a very different feel to it than other nonfiction, so I want to give it its own category). Anyway, those will be my "sorted" books - books I have read. I will follow the book title with neuroscience topics that relate to it in alphabetical order and any reviews I am aware of on the book. I will put the list of Eva's books that I am interested in underneath, but as I read those books I will move them up to my three categories.

Sorry if that sounds complicated! I think it will take a bit of time for me to work the system out but I think it will be the best way for me to build a list as well as work my way through Eva's list. I have to give a public shout-out to Eva - it is an amazing list and I know that she put lots of work into it. I am not trying to replace her impressive list - just trying to alter it to fit in with my needs.

My final little detail about the list is that if you have reviewed any of the books I would love to add your link to the list. I want to have a resource for people who want to learn more about the brain. So if you have read any of the books on my list (rather small) or Eva's list (much longer) please send me your link and I will add it. I'm hoping this experiment goes well! Thank you in advance for your contributions!

The Memory Palace by Mira Bartok

Before I say anything else about this book, I have to voice how impressed I am with its author, Mira Bartok. It seems this woman has done everything - she lived in Italy, Israel, and Norway, wrote children's books, taught lectures and guided tours, painted, and now she has written a book for adults. She has a blog dedicated to connecting hopeful artists, writers, and composers with grants to allow them to continue their work. And she has dealt with many difficulties, from an unstable and frightening childhood to a life-changing accident, on her way there. I want to meet her - maybe one of these days she will come and do a book signing in Salt Lake.

Anyway, now that I've gushed a little bit... In a few words, The Memory Palace is a memoir about Mira Bartok's relationship with her schizophrenic, from whom she is estranged for seventeen years, but is able to reunite with shortly before her mother's death. However, there is much more to the story. Bartok sustained head injuries during an accident and began struggling with locating memories and dealing with excess stimuli. This experience helps her to relate to her mother's disordered thinking.

There is so much to this book that it is hard to know where to start. Bartok's writing is gorgeous. Sometimes I feel like memoirs and biographies get bogged down with details and chronology. Not so with The Memory Palace. She lays out different experiences from her life by taking us through her "memory palace," a technique of the scholar Matteo Ricci developed in 1596 to help scholars protect their memories. For every memory, there is an image and a location in the palace. Mira gives a tour of her palace, describing important scenes from her fascinating life in vivid detail. One of my favorite images is from the time she spent in Norway with her first husband -

The clouds had changed from white to shimmering green in an instant, then to twisting ribbons of magenta light swirling around the stars. [...] We stood, half buried in snow, holding each other's mittened hand, trying to balance against the wind. My hand slipped out of his and I let myself fall back into the snow. (243)

Not all of Bartok's images are peaceful, though - her mother has frightening delusions, and is prone to violence when certain delusions are upon her. One image that I couldn't get out of my mind was that of Mira's mother holding a broken bottle to Mira's neck as she struggled to escape.

Norma Herr's frightening episodes mark Mira and her sister, Natalia's lives so strongly that they change their names and separate themselves from her. (Their original names were Myra and Rachel. Bartok is a Hungarian composer - Both Mira and her mother were passionate musicians, a fact I appreciate, especially as I spent several months of high school trying to perfect a particularly discordant Bartok piece). However, despite the horror that Norma brings into their lives, there is beauty as well. Norma was a musical prodigy, originally married to a talented, drunken writer (who abandoned the family when the girls were still very young). Mira often compares her parents to F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald. Even though Norma spends much of her adulthood homeless, she fills notebooks with facts she has studied and spends hours in museums, admiring paintings (Mira and Norma both loved Chagall). On her deathbed, Norma is surrounded by women who lived at her women's shelter, women who loved her and were inspired by her.

The women congregate around her bed. They massage her feet and hands, offer her spoonfuls of applesauce, and treat her like a baby. They love her and see in her a kind of wisdom I never imagined she had. (293)

As Mira explores her mother's life, reading journals and finding strange items in a storage unit her mother has kept for years, she is able to appreciate the woman Norma was beneath her schizophrenia - the loving, brilliant, and passionate woman. She sees similarities in herself and her mother, and she struggles to reconcile the difficult decision to separate herself from her mother so many years before.

This book was not easy to read. It was dark and frightening (especially as I have just started work at a home for the mentally disabled - hearing my coworkers tell stories of unexpected violence and then reading from this book was unsettling). At times it seemed hopeless. However, Bartok sifts through the horrors of her mother's struggle and presents us with a gem refined by fire. I was sobbing at the end of this book and couldn't stop thinking about it for days afterward. It is definitely a story that I will remember. I feel like I've hardly done it justice.

I have to add one more thing that didn't seem to fit anywhere in the review - I really appreciated Bartok's accurate neuroscience. In a field that is often misinterpreted, I was very impressed with her sources and knowledge.

Overall? This is a heavy dark book, not for the faint of heart, but it is beautiful. I'm glad I own a copy and hope to revisit it in the future.

FTC Disclosure: Book received from publisher

Accessibility/readability - Bartok's writing flows beautifully. Very readable.
Literary merit/Aesthetics - 4
Plot - 4
Characters - 5
Personal response - 4.5
Overall: 4.5